The Broner – The Broner is described by absolutely no dictionary whatsoever as “the unfortunate occurrence whereby an individual is inadvertently aroused by the sight of his ‘bro’”.
Last Sunday, The Volympics went down at a semi-secret location in Whistler thereabouts. In spite of being on the business end of a weekend-spanning drunk, I thought it wise to attend. Six pack in hand, I approached the sun-kissed venue around two in the afternoon.
I was greeted by the sight of Braden Dean – Voleur extraordinaire – backflipping one of the hand-sculpted features whilst slamming a refreshing Cariboo lager.
Impresive stuff, no doubt. But it was the moment that he bent over to unstrap his bindings when his skin-tight boardin’ pants caused this objective reporter to coin the phrase defined at the beginning of this post.
I’ve never seen an ass like that on a man, and I swear it will haunt me well into my later years.
Judgers go ahead and judge. I’m claiming it.
The Volympics are a late season affair. There’s a summer version and a winter one, both involving ample amounts of booze, babes and freestyle trickery. Remember Sports Day when you were growing up? It’s a lot like that.
Anyways, the boys had put a lot of effort into building the four-feature venue. They kept on telling me this, mayhaps in an effort to hint at the fact that I should have helped. Either way, it looked great and I had nothing to do with it.
Kudos to all the chaps that built the thing.
Two captains, Braden Dean and Josh Bibby, assembled teams made up of some of Canada’s best skiers, boardists and party animals. Reed Speedman – who you might know from such films as Sh*t Skiers Say – said hilarious things on the mic whilst a man dressed as a huge Cariboo bottle reminded the thirsty audience that smaller, more delicious versions of himself were buried in the snow behind the BBQ.
All the while, a very hot session was occurring on the mini jib course.
It could be noted here that I was in no way involved with the boardin’ aspect of the Volympic experience. I chose only to drink and smoke cigarettes amongst the denizens of hot babes who flock to any sort of Voleurz related event.
It was awesome.
But of course I might just be saying that so that the entire interweb doesn’t think I’ve gone and caught “the gay”.
Thanks to Andy Cambell and Bruce Gio for the Pics.